The Lobster Plan

Ok, so several months ago I was given the chance to apply for a place on a team heading out to Nepal to do some charity work.  It sounded amazing and something y'kinda have to go for if the Fairy of Opportunity comes a knockin'. On the flip side of this feeling that it absolutely, most definitely was the right thing to do, my inner voice was screaming at me to stop being so fucking stupid due to the whole 'being a lazy fucker who cried walking up an easy path to to the summit of Snowdon' thing.  Hell, it WAS winter when I did that and I wasn't motivated to do it in any way; it was part of this whole idea that life is about experiencing shit whether you want to or not.

.....very much like the Nepal thing really.......only much easier.

Shit.

Any way, like a moth to a flame I applied.  Once I'd done that and the ramifications hit home I got all worried for myself.  I really AM an unfit, lazy sod who enjoys her comforts and doesn't particularly want to do anything.  I'm a comedian for chrissake - my body's natural rhythm is to sleep all day and come awake at night to talk shit.  What the frig makes me think I could even DO anything worthy and magnificent? I suspect it's all part of the dead mother thing.  On my Father's deathbed she promised him that she'd make sure I experienced EVERYTHING.  Well, not everything but you get my drift.

The other issue is that I'll have to raise money to fund my trip.  Being financially embarrassed I thought about selling some sort of comedy writing/blog of my incompetent misery combined with an account of the inevitable accident, or access to a comedy podcast.

THEN I HAD THE IDEA

An idea of such magnitude it was almost perfect.  Nothing could go wrong.  I smiled the biggest smile I'd smiled for years.

I'm gonna dress up as a lobster and get people to sponsor me to do shit whilst lobstered up!  Stuff like do some grocery shopping or ride a bike through the town AS A LOBSTER.  Hell, I've ALWAYS wanted a lobster suit and this gives me both a reason to get one and an excuse to wear it places!

I then had an even better idea.  If I raise enough I'll wear it up the Himalayas!  Upon hearing of this exciting plan, my friend Alex pointed out that he believed that the first rule of Mountaineering was NOT to wear sandals or dress as any form of crustacean.  Another friend countered this with a valid observation - just how many lobsters do you hear about who've fallen off a mountain?  NONE, that's how many!

Whilst I have been swept away with this idea there is an inner voice trying to remind me that I'm scared of insects, monkeys, exercise in all forms, scary foreign food, strangers, children, CULTURALLY DIFFERENT strangers, CULTURALLY DIFFERENT children and uphill walking.

The sane and reasoned side of my persona keeps telling the idiot side of me that it's inevitable that I'll end up having to be airlifted off the side of a mountain dressed as a lobster and covered in monkeys by scary culturally different people whilst village children laugh and point.

If I get to go it'll be epic!