The bad BAD friend....apparently

Well, it would seem that I am a bad friend.  This was decreed before 8am this morning and I feel it is a somewhat unfair assertion bearing in mind I'm so great and everything.  I have experience of really bad friends.  Some CORKERS of bad friends.  Bad friends who've been sooooo bad I've spent hours fantasising over how I would wreak my revenge over the betrayal of friendshiply trust.  Much of this fantasising involves me becoming obscenely rich and paying hench-people to create ruination and misery.

....I kinda hate it when friends turn out to NOT be friends.

Anyhoo, as I said, I was decreed a bad friend myself before the day had even started.  I thought I was being honest and cute.  My housemate; The Tidiness Nazi didn't agree.  This is how the day started.

06:20hrs: Alarm goes off and I begin my hour of snooze button/waking up gently.  I say 'waking up gently' but I really call it my 'crying time'. I could never just hear an alarm and get straight up, I like to have a significant amount of time just lying and weeping gently up into the atmosphere.

06:40hrs: Second alarm goes off and my bald freak dog jumps from the bed and runs across the landing and into the Tidiness Nazi's room.  I hear the sound of her big dog jumping down from the bed and this usually heralds her getting up and letting 'the kids' out for a piddle.  There is no other sound...

06:55hrs: Third alarm goes off and by this time I am being driven mad by my dog constantly running in and out of the room crying and NO sound coming from the Nazi's room.  I am forced up EARLY which goes against every cell in my Being.  Not wanting to  be the one who has to tediously go ALL THE WAY downstairs to let the creatures out I choose instead to bang about and cough dramatically in a feeble and ill-planned attempt at subtly waking up my slumbering housemate.

NOTHING

07:01hrs: It occurs to me that the Nazi is dead.

07:03hrs:  After some consideration.  Well, 2 minutes of consideration and being at least 43% even louder and hearing nothing from the other room I decide to go and investigate.  Minus contact lenses, glasses and entering a darkened room I squinted my way across to the bed.  The Nazi isn't moving.  Yup, dead for sure; there can be no other explanation.  Now, at this point an unexpected thought kinda, sorta, accidentally popped into my head.  That thought?  The realisation that I'd be able to legitimately take the day off work (cough).  Hell, actually I'd probably be able to score a couple of weeks of unquestionable compassionate leave!  On reflection I accept that after poking my sleeping housemate with a stick, jumping back in fear and, laughingly explaining my thought process to her, I might have come across as a little bit uncaring and not as good a friend as she would hope for.  Hell, she should just be grateful she's still alive after all!

I won't say I was disappointed that I'd got another week of work ahead of me - that would be wrong!  Well,  I kinda was disappointed but not because she was alive, if that's what she was thinking.  That too would be wrong.  I'd have to find another way of getting legitimate time off work.  The whole 'trekking up the Himalayas to do good stuff for charity' thing didn't come off and pretty much everyone who I'd ever met - EVER,  mocked me for my laziness and uncharitable nature.  Also for my fear of monkeys, insects and frightening strangers.....and unrecognisable foreign food......and children.

The Tidiness Nazi lay in bed looking really quite angry for such an early time of day.

"Yeah, you'd LOVE it if I were dead wouldn't you?  I bet you were thinking of all the compensation you'd get!"

"What compensation?  I wouldn't get compo if you randomly croaked it in the night!"

"The house - I've left you the bloody house haven't I?  You'd get the house to do with as you bloody well please...."

(tutting and looking aghast - which I accept might have been the wrong facial expression to wear at this type of news) "Ah shit, but then I'd just have to spend  money I don't have doing the thing up so I could sell it and start living the dream"

....The Tidiness Nazi didn't find this amusing ONE. LITTLE. BIT.  What's the matter with her, she was still alive after all AND I'd taken the time to poke her with a stick in order to establish her living/dead status.  I could have just gone to work and had done with the matter. To be fair, if the dogs hadn't needed a piss she'd  have been potentially decomposing in her bed all day. I didn't mention that.

...I thought my side of the conversation was kinda cute and amusing (she grumbled).  I don't know what is the matter with people nowadays