Shovel Weirdness

So, I came home from work today and was excited to see that the Tidiness Nazi was out which meant so were the ferkin' dogs.  I love it when the dogs are out.  Pet ownership is a lifetime of misery if you ask me (not that anyone ever does).  I think I'm possibly being a bit harsh, the old dog (Batdog) just lies around and stinks.  The other one, the young dog, is the thing which makes my home life a total misery.  Bloody cute and hairy but too much energy and relentless?  FUCKING relentless.  All sodding night, running up and down, dropping toys on your lap, at your feet, on the floor, everywhere.  I call her The Kraken 'cause NO ONE wants to awaken The Kraken when it's asleep!  The Kraken has Border Collie in her so she's basically a stupid looking sheep dog.  When I have a shower the dog, one toy at a time, drops stuff into a small mountain at the cubicle door then disappears.  Well, you think she's disappeared, turns out she's in 'the position' all focused, alert and ready to chase the thing or herd it somewhere.  Last shower I had the dog had 'assumed the position' and must have been there for 40 minutes not moving, just waiting..........

So yeah, got home and felt more excited at having the place to myself than I should.  I notice a shovel by the front door but guessed the Tidiness Nazi had cleared the blocked drain or something.  Got through the door, grabbed my post, stripping off as I did and grabbed a handful of chocolates which I necked as I legged it up the stairs preparing to put my pyjamas on and get into bed for a crafty hour of watching tv undisturbed.  Lovely.  Unfortunately, I only got about 40 minutes of respite before the hairy, licky one burst into my room and jumped all over me (yeah, the stupid creature loves every hair on my head for some reason).  I heard the Tidiness Nazi downstairs.

"Did you put the shovel by the front door?" She yelled up.

"Erm, no.   I just got home from work.  I thought YOU had done something with the shovel."

"No it wasn't me"

(weird - someone has randomly put a shovel by our front door!)

A couple of minutes later the Nazi came into my room.  I managed to push the Kraken off my head/chest area where she'd decided to sit and smother me with her love.

"Y'know that shovel?"

"Yeah"

"It ain't our shovel.  In fact, some one's nicked our shovel from the side of the house and left us with the dirty one by the front door"

 "So, you're telling me that some random stranger, between the time you left the house at 2pm and when I got home at about 4.30pm, robbed us of our shovel and replaced it with THEIR OWN shovel?"

"Erm yeah!"

I love the randomness of today's weirdness but y'know what I love even more?  The shovel thief decided to alert us to the theft by leaving their own shovel right by our front door.  To be fair, if they'd put their shovel along the side of the house where ours was kept we wouldn't have bloody noticed until possibly next year.  The shovel thief (or shovel swapper) wanted us to know.  Wanted us to know that our perfectly good shovel had been coveted by someone with a slightly less perfectly good shovel.  All that was wrong with it was that it was a bit older than ours and was dirty. 

I guess I'll be laughing on the other side of my face when the weird shovel covet-er turns out to be a strange murderous stalker and whacks me over the head with the bleeder.  Hell, the side of the house where the shovel was kept has a massive shed there which is right under my bedroom window.  I'll not be laughing when there is a recreation of Leatherface waving his Texas Chainsaw around in the air (whilst balanced on my shed but with a shovel) outside my window. 

Still, I'll sleep through anything.

Then again, I know from experience that I have no survival skills in the wee hours of the morning.  When I was a child I had a bulletin board over my bed.  Atop this bulletin board I had a horseshoe which had come from one of my relative's horses.  Dunno what exactly happened but one morning at about 3am the horseshoe fell down and landed on my young sleeping head.  I seem to remember waking up with a start but just lying there waiting for the murderer's next blow.  How shit is that?  I'd like to think I'm a more pro-active potential murder victim nowadays and would at least grab at the weapon.  Then again, I sleep the sleep of the dead at the best of times, least of all when I'm actually being made dead.