Too much thinking

I've been really twitchy today. Weirdly twitchy in the kind of way I felt a bit like I wanted to shout out random abusive words or jump high into the air and kick like a Ninja (in my mind I'd have looked like a Ninja. In reality I'd have looked a complete dick). I did ease some of the pressure by calling my sort of 'mental health twin' work colleague a motherfucker, a wanker and a moron. Don't worry, she appreciated it and we laughed heartily as we abused each other in the office. I seem to recall being called a tosser, a twat and an arsehole.

At lunch time I went upstairs to the staff room and ended up laughing loudly in the face of another work colleague who had been sitting there quietly eating an orange. I, in fact, could not stop laughing for a while when I realised I'd walked into a previously quiet room in minor hysterics and had therefore shocked a colleague. If you can't shock a colleague every day then I don't know WHAT you can do! I felt I had to offer her some sort of explanation as I then became, through my tears of laughter, paranoid that SHE would be paranoid that I was laughing at her. The thing is, as I'd run up the stairs I'd got the handle of a spoon in my mouth (yeah, well....I could have just held the spoon but I've got a life to lead and it was all too much effort to use a gripping action at lunch time), and, as I'd bounced up the stairs I remembered the thing at school where people always yell that you shouldn't run with a pen in your mouth or with scissors in your hand. I was then whisked away into another reverie where I could see myself falling backwards on the stairs with a look of shock on my face, spoon handle still in my mouth and arms flailing as I blindly tried to grip at something to stop me from falling. I then saw myself lying crumpled at the bottom of the stairs sort of dead with a spoon handle jammed into the roof of my mouth and either out of my eye or into the base of my brain (yeah, my own demise - hysterical. These flashes only lasted for about 6 stairs. Wonder if I achieved some sort of ridiculous reverie record). I, of course, shared this with my bewildered colleague who really didn't see what was so funny and I agree, it wasn't really funny but y'know, it sorta was. You should have seen the look on my face as I was falling - BRILLIANT!

She then, in a flash of weird paranoia (this is what my place of work is like) said I can't die on the stairs as they'd all think she'd pushed me. I agreed and said I would therefore intend to live and I'd blame her only no one would understand what I was saying as I'd have a big fuck-off hole in the roof of my mouth. As I impersonated how I'd sound, my colleague was busy worrying about how she'd get the blame for it all and said I would still be able to write my blame for her down and then she'd lose her job. I totally love the fact my mid-morning insanity spread to another. I am also proud that I recognise that my mind hasn't been right today. Hello, I'm Sketty and today my mental health is a bit fragile in a freaky rather than sad kind of way!

So, after lunch time my twitchiness continued and I shared with my original (and complicit) work colleague that I often fantasise about throwing myself to the floor and screaming loudly over and over whilst twitching and flailing about. She agreed that this would be lovely. I then asked whether, when she's dealing with an arsehole or someone really moaning and it saps your will to live, whether she's ever suppressed the desire to just flash her vadge at them by way of a response before just walking away. She laughed and said that it would be brilliant.

Then, to be serious we discussed that these were the thoughts of proper crazy people and that the only thing that set us apart was our 'self control chip'. We're both hypochondriacs so we then spent the rest of the afternoon silently worrying that as we grew older our 'chips' might start to fail and then we would genuinely become like those people who walk around town shadow boxing at the heavens, flashing our 'lady garden areas' at strangers or randomly shouting or laughing. Or, right - the 'chip' might just fail during times of stress and we would (I say 'we', on reflection, I was doing most of the talking and my colleague may have been humouring me. Nah, she was right there with me!) just do it at work and wreck our careers!

Bloody hell, I got debts and she wants a new car!

Mental Health Colleague started to bite her bottom lip with worry and said that we'd get taken away and put away somewhere. This in fact sounds lovely. Taken away and put in a bed (with Valium? She'd asked, perking up) YES.

"So Sketty, where do you see yourself in 5 years time?"

"Medicated and in a secure unit please!"

Lovely. I hope the dinners are nice.

I now have to discuss why I posted all of this on-line with myself. I think it was cathartic - I needed to get rid of it all just so I can lay the twitchiness to rest. I do actually feel better but I did go to the gym for the first time since just before I went away. It broke my heart but I had to go. I've noticed that over time I've lost weight and toned up somewhat by my stupid tits remain the same ridiculously gigantic size. Stupid tits :(